Honesty Is What You Need
by Kicon
Summary: In which Team Free Will has to hunt down a teenage witch with an agenda, Dean and Cas are emotionally constipated, and Sam is just so done. In other words, Dean and Cas get cursed and Sam has to clean up their mess. Post-season 8 AU case fic


_**Honesty Is What You Need**_

In which Team Free Will has to hunt down a teenage witch with an agenda, Dean and Cas are emotionally constipated, and Sam is just _so done._

In other words, Dean and Cas get cursed and Sam has to clean up their mess.

* * *

**A/N: **This takes place in an alternate post-season 8 universe

* * *

Dean had no idea how he'd gotten himself into this situation.

Actually, that was a lie.

He knew exactly how he'd gotten himself into this situation. He just wasn't happy about it.

_At all._

It began a few days ago, when Sammy came into the library suggesting they go investigate the mysterious deaths of three teens in Weston, Iowa, and Cas had insisted on coming along. Things had escalated from there.

**THREE DAYS AGO**

"Third teen found dead?" Dean asked as he looked at the article on Sam's laptop.

"Yeah, Renee Duval, found yesterday in her room," Sam said. "Her parents were out all day and they came back and found her."

Dean made a noise of pity. "And the other two?"

"James Abel was the first one, found about a week ago in the woods. Must've died while doing his morning run. The other, Carrie Matherson, was found in her car in the supermarket parking lot a few days ago."

"Cause of death?"

"Brain herniation."

"Which is what, exactly?" Dean asked, looking up with a frown.

When the brain swells up so much it pushes the brain stem into the spinal column," Sam replied simply.

Dean winced and rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's really rare," Sam continued, reaching over to pull up the internet tab with an info page on brain herniation. "Brain swelling is typically caused by physical traumas, strokes, aneurysms, tumors, and some other really rare stuff. But none of that showed up in the autopsy reports."

"So their brains just randomly decided to swell up until they died?" Dean asked.

"Pretty much," Sam answered with a frown. "So, what do you think? Should we check it out?"

"Sounds up our alley," Dean said, closing the laptop and standing up.

"Did you find a case?"

They turned and saw Cas standing in the doorway of the library, a book under his arm and a cup of coffee in his hand. His hair was messy, like he'd just woken up or simply hadn't bothered to brush his hair since waking up, and he was clad in a pair of faded jeans and a brown plaid shirt. There was dark stubble on his jaw and cheeks and Dean took a moment just to stare at him.

"Yeah, just over in Iowa," Sam said. "You wanna come with?"

"He's fine staying here," Dean cut in with a strained smile. "Aren't ya, Cas?"

Cas frowned and his eyes narrowed. "I am over a millennia years old, Dean. I do not appreciate you babying me just because I am human now."

_Human_. Dean was still getting used to it, even after six months.

He could still remember the day Cas turned up at the bunker two weeks after the Fall, frightened and human and smelling like a port-a-potty. They had to teach him how to eat, how to sleep, how to _live_. They had to get him a new wardrobe, complete with Winchester-patented flannel, and there was quite a struggle in trying to get Cas to give up his trench coat.

_"It's ripped and it smells like cat piss, Cas!" Dean shouted. "You have to get rid of it!"_

_Cas only clutched the stained garment closer, like it was a security blanket of some kind. "We can wash it," he insisted._

_"It's beyond washing, Cas, just give it to me!"_

Then Dean had tried to take the trench coat by force, which resulted in a childish fist fight that Sam and Kevin had to break up. Cas had given it up in the end, but only after Dean bought him his own leather jacket, which Dean claimed was, "so he'll quit stealing mine," but really he just liked how Cas looked in leather.

But he'd never say that out loud.

"You're a human, not a hunter," Dean replied sternly. They'd had this conversation multiple times before. "You've been human for barely half a year, Cas. You're practically a baby."

"I can _help_," Cas insisted petulantly. "I'm still fluent in all the languages, I have extensive knowledge on creatures - "

"I know you want to, but we need you here," Dean said. "You have to keep Kevin company."

"No, he really doesn't!" Kevin called from inside his study. The door opened and Kevin poked his head out."He's worse company than you two."

Cas frowned even deeper and wore an offended expression while Sam repressed a chuckle and Dean ran a hand over his face in agitation.

"Seriously. All he does when you're gone is sit at the table and stare at his phone waiting to hear from you," Kevin said, rolling his eyes. "It's pathetic. Make him stay in the hotel the whole time or whatever, just take him with you."

"I'm not pathetic," Cas grumbled, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Cas is staying here and that's final," Dean said, giving everyone a hard look. "Sam, let's pack Baby up and get out of here."

Kevin shook his head and went back into his study, locking the door behind him. Sam sighed and picked up his laptop as Dean and Cas had a stare off and headed to his room to pack his things.

Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas, which mean something like, _Don't fight me on this._

To which Cas tilted his head to the side, saying,_ I'm a warrior. Fighting is what I do__._

_It's what you used to do, before you were human_, Dean said with pursed lips.

Cas frowned. _Why do you keep throwing that in my face?_

Dean shook his head: _I'm sorry, man. _Then his gaze hardened again, _But this is for your own good._

Cas growled, low in his throat, which didn't really mean anything specific, but Dean's heart rate sped up as he caught a glimpse of what remained of the celestial being before him. Cas glared at him - _This isn't over - _before turning around and disappearing down the hall toward his room.

Dean sighed once Cas was gone and rubbed his forehead. He hated doing this to Cas, but it was the way it had to be. It was the only way he could keep Cas safe and out of danger. He'd rather have Cas alive and hating him than dead and gone.

Not to mention the fact that things between him and Cas had turned...weird. There was a sort of grounded permanence in their relationship now that Cas couldn't fly away at a moment's notice. They were always around each other, always with each other, always near each other. And Dean was having all of these _reactions_ to Cas, like flushed cheeks and increased heart rate and a blank mind. They had always been close, always had a so-called profound bond, but now there was a strange sort of unspoken intimacy between them, and it was scaring Dean to death.

"You sure about leaving him behind?" Sam asked as they got into the car.

"Yeah," Dean said tiredly. "Let's do this."

SPNSPNSPN

The five hour drive to Weston had passed mostly in silence, with Dean driving while Sam flipped through some books he'd brought, trying to see if there was a monster that could make people's heads swell up.

"From what I can tell, it's most likely a witch," Sam said, looking up from the book in his lap.

"Freakin' _hate_ witches," Dean grumbled, turning down the radio. "Let's find the sucker, gank him or her, and be back home for dinner tomorrow."

Sam pursed his lips in silence for a moment before broaching what he actually wanted to talk about. "Dean, do you wanna tell me what your issue is with Cas hunting?"

"Not really," Dean replied shortly.

"Well whatever it is, you're really not being fair to him," Sam said. "He's by far old enough to make his own decisions. If he wants to hunt, let him hunt."

"You've seen him in action before, Sam. He was a crap hunter," Dean argued. "Now that he's wingless, he could get himself into some real trouble. And you saw how freaked out he was when he got a cold. Dude thought he was gonna die."

He smiled to himself in amusement at the memory of Cas laying on the couch covered in ten blankets, drinking tea by the gallon and proclaiming that he was never going to feel well ever again.

"How do you think he'll react if he dislocates a shoulder?" he finished. "Or breaks something? Or gets shot?"

"So you're afraid he's going to get hurt," Sam replied, raising an eyebrow. "Or worse."

Dean didn't reply.

"Have you told him that's why you're shutting him out?" Sam asked. "Because he hasn't got a clue and it's hurting him."

"We haven't exactly had time for a heart to heart lately, Sammy," Dean said. "We've got angels running around like chickens with their heads off, Crowley and Abaddon have disappeared off the map, and we're always cleaning up monster messes."

"You've had plenty of time, Dean," Sam replied. "You're making excuses."

Dean scoffed.

Sam sighed. "Listen, just...just talk to him, okay?"

"Thanks for the input, Dr. Phil," Dean said sarcastically

"I'm serious," Sam pressed. "The guy's like a brother to me. I don't know what he is to you, but - "

Dean twitched and swerved the car slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped. "He's like a brother to me too."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "If that's how you feel about your brothers, then I don't want to be around you much anymore."

Dean frowned. "Sammy, what the hell are you on about."

"Well, when Charlie was over, she said something, and it got me thinking - "

"Okay, I love the girl, but she's crazy," Dean cut in. "She read the books, remember? They messed with her head."

"I don't know, Dean," Sam replied. "They're the _Winchester Gospel_. They're pretty legit."

"Cas is family, alright?" Dean said abruptly. He sighed with frustration. "I just don't understand why he would choose this. He could start over if he wanted to, live a life away from all of this."

Sam shook his head and looked at Dean with tired eyes.

"You really have no idea?" he asked wearily, disbelief coloring his tone. "You have _no idea_ why he would choose this life over every other life he could have? Why he would choose us? Why he would choose _you?_"

Dean shook his head, although there was something gnawing at him, something he'd locked away in a box in his mind. Something a part of him had realized a long while ago but refused to recognize.

"Maybe _you_ should read the books," Sam muttered under his breath. "They seem to know you better than you do."

"Shut up, Sam," Dean growled.

And he turned the radio back up and sped along down the highway.

**TWO DAYS AGO**

The next day, Sam and Dean got up and interviewed the victims' parents, but it was all the same story: a couple days before their deaths, the teens suddenly stopped talking and withdrew from the family. That wasn't really a clue, though, since teenagers did that all the time, and it didn't tell them who the witch was or why he or she was targeting them. It also didn't tell them how Renee Duval was connected to Carrie Matherson and James Abel. Carrie and James were dating when they'd died, but Renee didn't seem to be connected to them at all, aside from having a couple classes together.

So they decided to head over to the school and talk to some teachers about their behavior there, hopefully dig up a bit more.

"Should we talk to Señor Reyes?" Dean asked, looking at the list of teachers all the vics had. Reyes was at the top.

"I think he's already been taken care of," Sam said nonchalantly.

Dean frowned. "Taken care of? By who?"

"Muchas gracias por su ayuda, Señor Reyes," said an all-too-familiar gravelly voice.

They rounded a corner and saw Cas in a dark suit coming out of a classroom, closing the door behind him. He looked up at them and Dean noticed that he'd shaved his stubble and combed his hair. His eyes were bright with mischief and he looked more alive than he had in weeks.

Dean's heart dropped into his stomach, and then he gritted his teeth.

"Hola, mis amigos," Cas said cheekily, wearing a smirk so smug it made Dean sick.

"Cas, what the hell are you doing?" Dean growled.

"It's Agent Baker, actually," Cas replied, flashing his FBI badge - since when did he have an FBI badge?! - and holding it right side up for once. "And I'm hunting."

"Hunting," Dean repeated in disbelief, staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. "How the hell did you even _get_ here?!"

"I drove," Cas replied proudly, puffing his chest out.

Dean looked flabbergasted. "When did you even learn how to drive?! And when did you get a suit and badges? And - "

"I taught him how to drive a few months ago and I told him to come here," Sam interrupted. "Charlie helped get him fitted for a suit when we were on that ghoul case in Washington and I got him his own set of badges about a month ago."

"Well that's great," Dean grumbled, turning to Sam. "Just great. I said he wasn't allowed to come and you went _behind my back_ - "

"Please do not talk about me as if I am not here," Cas interjected, earning a sourly apologetic look from Dean.

"You _shouldn't_ be here," Dean said firmly. "So why don't you get into whatever contraption you drove here and haul ass back to the bunker, pronto."

"No."

Dean was stunned. "It wasn't a suggestion."

"You cannot order me, Dean," Cas said with a hard expression. "I've spent nearly the entirety of my existence following orders, in case you'd forgotten, and I'm done. You're not my commanding officer, Dean. You are my _friend_."

Dean opened his mouth.

"Or so I thought," Cas tacked on quietly.

That was a knife in Dean's gut. He didn't want this, he didn't want to be hurting Cas like this. He wanted to keep Cas at the bunker to _avoid_ him getting hurt, but this was all just going down the toilet and he didn't have a plunger.

"I make my own choices now, and I choose to hunt," Cas said with an air of finality, then turned to Sam. "Señor Reyes didn't help very much. Renee didn't have him for a teacher and James always skipped anyway. Carrie, however, stopped talking in class completely a couple days before she died. She was very proficient in Spanish and usually talked all the time."

"So something happened to these kids before they died that made them stop talking," Dean said grumpily. "We already knew that."

Cas glared at Dean, saying, _Don't test me._

"I think we should talk to Helen Karalis next," Cas continued. "Carrie, Renee, and James were all in her fourth period geography class. Jenny Blake, Renee's best friend, is also in that class. One us of should talk to her as well. Perhaps she knows how Renee is connected to Carrie and James."

"Great idea, Cas," Sam said, clapping him on the shoulder.

Cas smiled proudly and stood a little straighter. Dean rolled his eyes and followed his little brother and his best friend as they went to find Room 209.

SPNSPNSPN

"Miss Karalis?" Sam asked as they walked into the classroom.

A woman with frizzy black hair looked up from her cringe-worthily outdated computer. She smiled sadly at them.

"Agents," she greeted. "I was told you'd be coming in." Then she frowned in concern at Dean and Cas. "Oh my, your auras are very muddy."

"Right, we'll work on that," Dean said sarcastically.

"Do you mind if - " Sam started.

"I can do better than this," a young blonde girl blurted as she ran into the room late, holding a stack of papers out to Miss Karalis. "I just forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what, dear?" she asked in confusion, then examined the papers. "Oh! Jenny, sweetheart, you don't have to worry. I won't count these as late. I know what you're going through."

Jenny nodded thankfully and turned to go find her seat when Cas touched her shoulder.

"Jenny Blake?" he asked.

She nodded again.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions about Renee," he said gently. "Is that alright with you?"

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes filling with tears, but she nodded.

"Agent Clapton, you go with him. I can talk to Miss Karalis," Sam told Dean, then looked at the woman. "If you have a moment, that is?"

"Yes, of course," she said. She told her students to outline the next chapter as Cas and Dean grudgingly made their way out into the hall. Sam and Miss Karalis stepped into the side room.

"Your friends have very unsettling auras," she said conspiratorially. "I think they have some serious issues to work out."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Sam said with a tired chuckle. "So, Miss Karalis..."

SPNSPNSPN

"How are you doing, Jenny?" Dean asked when they got into the hall.

"I'm the king of broken hearts," she replied, then clapped a hand over her mouth, looking horrified.

He peered at her. "What?"

She swallowed. "I-I'm coming to terms," she amended.

"We're deeply sorry for your loss," Cas said, his blue eyes so sincere that they distracted Dean for a moment.

"Yeah," Dean said, clearing his throat. "We'd just like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

She nodded for them to continue.

"Was Renee acting strangely at all before she died?" Cas asked.

Jenny nodded emphatically.

"Did she stop talking?" he continued. "Say weird things?"

She kept nodding.

"Was Renee friends with Carrie and James? Or connected to them in any way?"

She shook her head.

Dean put a hand on her arm, concerned at her lack of speech. "Are you okay?"

"Can't explain this thing or what I mean," she said desperately.

"Could you try to explain?" Cas asked gently. "We're here to help, Jenny."

She shook her head and her eyes filled with tears again. "It's a wicked game that you're making me play."

"We're sorry," Cas said, sensing her distress. "That will be all. Thank you for your time."

Jenny nodded and went down the hall and into a girls' bathroom.

"Well that was a bust," Dean grumbled.

Cas turned to him, his eyes narrowed. "Why don't you want me hunting with you?"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Really? We're going to do this _now?_"

"Yes, Dean, we're going to do this now," Cas growled. "Why don't you want me to hunt?"

"Why do you _want_ to hunt, Cas?" Dean asked, throwing his arms out. "You could do so much more with your life! You have a chance at an apple pie life, man. Most hunters would kill for an opportunity like you have. You can go out and get a job, meet someone, start a family - "

"I thought I was part of _your_ family," Cas said softly, eyes on the ground.

Dean faltered. "I - You - You are, Cas, but - "

"So you want me to leave, then? Is that it?" Cas asked, his anger flaring back up. "Am I too much of a burden on you and Sam? The baby in a trench coat, like you always said?" His tone was bitter and it hurt Dean like he'd been stabbed.

"Dammit, Cas, it's not that!" Dean exclaimed. "I want you to live your life! And you can't do that if you're stuck with us! Sam and me, we can't get out of this life, the hunter's life. But you have a chance to choose a life that's better than this."

"Has it ever occurred to you that this is the life I want to live?" Cas asked. "That I'm _choosing_ this - the hunter's life?"

Dean shook his head. "I can't accept that."

"Well, you'd better learn to," Cas said firmly. "I'm going to be a hunter, with or without your support."

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Cas rolled right over him.

"And if you can't support me, then I'll leave," he declared, although there was pain in his eyes. "Once we get back from this case. I'll pack up my things and go live the life I choose away from your constant disapproval."

"That's - " Dean started, but Sam chose that moment to walk out of the classroom. _That's not what I want_, he thought to himself.

"You guys okay?" Sam asked cautiously.

Cas shook his head. "We're fine, Sam. Did Helen Karalis give you any information?"

Sam eyed them warily as he spoke. "Just that all three vics stopped talking before they died, Renee wasn't friends with Carrie and James, and that their auras were a very brownish gold before they died," he said with amusement.

"Well that's great, but it doesn't get us anywhere closer to knowing what actually killed them," Dean said crabbily.

SPNSPNSPN

There were memorials for James, Carrie, and Renee set up in the west end of the school. There are flowers and candles and pictures and papers with memories written on them. Dean frowns and feels the familiar pang he always feels when kids die. And these kids were only freshman, just fifteen years old. They'd had their whole lives ahead of them.

"I don't know what the memorials are for," a girl grumbled to her friend as they walked by. "They got what they deserved."

Dean's head whipped up and he made brief eye contact with the girl before she scurried off, dragging her friend with her.

"Did you hear that?" Dean hissed. "That girl in the purple jacket said they got what they deserved."

"Maybe she knows why they would be targeted," Cas pondered. "Or how Renee is connected."

"Worth a shot," Sam said as the bell rang and the halls began clearing. "You two go after her. I'll talk to the next teacher."

Both Cas and Dean frowned and started to protest, but Sam put his hands in the air.

"I'm sick of being the middle man," he told them. "Sort out your problems, talk to the girl, and let's solve this case."

Dean and Cas glared at Sam, glared at each other, and then stalked down the hall where the girl had gone. The silence felt tense and awkward, and it was the first time in a long time that Dean had felt like this around Cas. Usually their silences were comfortable, each other's presence being all the conversation they needed.

"When did you get into town?" Dean asked to fill the silence.

"Last night," Cas replied shortly.

Dean paused in the middle of the hall. "Where did you sleep?"

"In a room at the same motel you're in," Cas said simply. "Sam made the reservation for me."

"You stayed by yourself?" Dean asked with concern.

When Cas first came to the bunker, the room he'd chosen for himself was kind of far away from the brothers' rooms and he'd had nightmares practically every night, and Dean would have to get up and soothe him. After a while they moved him to a room between Dean and Sam's rooms and the nightmares gradually became less frequent, but he still got them from time to time. And when he did, Dean would go and sit in the chair by Cas' bed until Cas fell asleep again. Usually, once Cas' breathing levelled out, he would leave, but occasionally he just stayed and woke up in the morning with Cas gripping his arm or shoulder or hand.

Cas' eyes softened slightly and he nodded his head. _No nightmares._

Dean nodded back. _Good._

They kept walking, scanning the halls for a girl in a purple jacket.

"I...I don't want you to leave," Dean mumbled after a few moments. And it was true. He _didn't_ want Cas to leave. He couldn't handle it, knowing that Cas was out in the world somewhere and Dean wouldn't be able to pray to him and have him come home in a second.

"You also don't want me to hunt," Cas said angrily. "You want me to live a normal life, but you don't want me to leave the bunker." Cas stopped and rounded on Dean, getting right in his space. "Do you even _know_ what you want, Dean?"

Dean swallowed, his pulse rising.

Cas' eyes flashed, and if Cas were mojo-ed up, Dean figured he'd be seeing shadows of wings on the wall right about now. "l think you want to keep me sitting on a shelf like a porcelain doll. Out of danger, but still around for you to control."

"No, I - "

"Did it ever occur to you that I can't get out of this any more than you and Sam can?" Cas asked in an undertone. "I was an _angel_, Dean - a _warrior of God_. I've betrayed everyone that's ever mattered to me, killed thousands of my own kind, and almost completely ruined the world on more than one occasion. There are fallen angels and demons and monsters out there looking for me just like they're looking for you and Sam."

"So why be a hunter?" Dean countered. "That's like putting a sign on your back for them to come get you!"

"Because as a hunter I can _do_ something about it," Cas replied insistently. "And I need to be able to do something. I can't just sit in the bunker and watch Kevin translate tablets all day, waiting by the phone to see if you're still alive or not. And I can't just live your so-called _apple pie_ life."

Cas' hands started to shake, so he balled them up into fists. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before beginning again.

"Do you have any idea how _hard_ all of this has been for me?" he asked softly. "I have fallen in _every way possible,_" he said, giving Dean a significant look that made Dean switch his gaze to a nearby locker.

"I've had to learn to accept a body that was never mine to begin with," Cas said with a look of pain and regret. "I've never thought of this body as mine before, even when Jimmy Novak's soul passed on long ago and I was the only one occupying it. I _took_ this body - stole it from a good man with a wife and daughter. Now it's really and truly mine, and somehow I've never felt _less_ comfortable in it.

"I've had to sort through a lifetime's worth of experiences, sensations, _feelings_ - " Dean blushed and stared even more intently at the locker. " - in a matter of months. All the things that I never should have had to deal with in the first place. Angels aren't equipped for humanity. We're supposed to admire it and protect it, yes, but never become part of it."

Cas sounded so sad and broken that Dean couldn't help but look up at him. Cas' shoulders were sagged and his gaze was on the linoleum beneath his feet. Dean had no idea that Cas had been feeling this way, that he was dealing with all of this.

"As an angel, I could feel things and experience them," Cas continued, softer now, "but it was in a completely different way. I could...I could taste _every single molecule_ of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I could see and hear things that you couldn't even dream of. I could see the patterns and systems of the universe stretched out before me and everything made sense."

He shook his head in frustration.

"But now?" He let out a dry chuckle. "Now everything is dulled and blurred together. Nothing makes sense anymore. I have to waste time eating and sleeping and bathing and dealing with the range of human emotions. Everything is less and yet so much _more_ at the same time. It's completely overwhelming," Cas whispered. "And the only things I've had to cling on to to keep me sane are you and Sam, and my dream of becoming a hunter."

Cas took a shaky breath and met Dean's eyes. "You've turned your back on me before, Dean. And it hurt. It hurt every single time, even as an angel. But this?" He shook his head. "This hurts so much more."

Dean's heart broke slightly at hearing Cas' confessions, but he still couldn't let this happen. There was too much risk.

"Cas, you - "

"I'm done having this conversation, Dean," Cas snapped, breaking out of his thoughts. "I would much rather do this with you by my side - "

Dean flushed as he remembered his and Sam's conversation in the car yesterday.

" - but if you truly can't understand why I'm doing this, then I'm leaving once we solve this case and that's final."

Cas took a step back.

Dean took a breath.

Then they continued walking down the hallways together in silence, looking in door windows trying to find the girl in the purple jacket. Dean rounded a corner and stopped so abruptly that Cas ran into him.

"What - " Cas started, then stopped as he saw a girl in a purple jacket with her hair in a ponytail trying to jimmy open a locker.

"Hello?" Dean asked.

The girl jumped and dropped the CDs she'd been holding in her hand. They clattered loudly to the floor and she quickly dropped down, scrambling to pick them all up.

"Sorry to startle you, but we just had a few questions," Dean said, flashing his badge at her. "What's your name?"

She stood up holding the CDs awkwardly in her arms. Her eyes were guarded. "I'm Bridget. Questions about what?" she asked warily.

"Did you know James Abel, Carrie Matherson, and Renee Duval at all?" Cas asked.

She frowned and shook her head. "No. We didn't really hang out with the same crowd, if you know what I mean."

"Do you know of any connection Renee Duval might have had to Carrie and James?"

"No, they weren't friends," she said with a hint of annoyance as she moved to put the CDs back in her messenger bag.

"Do you know of any reason someone would have to target them?" Cas asked just before Dean could elbow him in the side.

Bridget stopped and stared at them, her face pale. "Didn't they die of brain injuries?" she asked, her voice quivering.

"Yeah, yeah, they - " Dean stopped when he saw a couple books in her bag with occult symbols on them. "Hey, what are those?"

"What are what?" she asked, alarmed, taking a step back from them.

"Do you mind if we have a look in your bag?" Dean asked, frowning.

She swallowed and reached inside. "I just have a lot of CDs I've been trying to get rid of," she stammered. "You know what, actually? Here!"

Bridget reached inside her bag and grabbed out a few CDs, shoving some into Dean's hands and some into Cas'.

Dean glanced down in disgust at the Taylor Swift CDs that had ended up in his grasp. He opened his mouth to say, "These really aren't my style," but it didn't come out.

Instead, what came out was, "He didn't like it when I wore high heels."

Cas gave him a strange look and Bridget smiled wickedly.

"Well, I gotta go," she said brightly. "See you later, agents!"

She skipped off and Cas turned to him, eyes asking, _What's wrong?_ but voice saying, "What's your vice? You know mine's the illusion."

Dean shook his head and tossed the CDs in the trash as the final bell of the day rang and students flooded the halls. Cas held the CDs tightly in his hands as they made their way out of the building, meeting Sam by the Impala.

"Hey guys," he greeted. "I talked to two more teachers and had no luck. Did you find the girl? Did you talk to her?"

"She's not a saint and she's not what you think," Dean ground out, climbing into the car. "She's an actress, whoa."

Sam frowned as he closed the passenger seat door. "What's wrong with you?"

Dean shook his head in agitation. What _was_ wrong with him? Why couldn't he say what he wanted?

"Cas?" Sam asked, twisting himself around to look at Cas. "What the hell going on?"

"Today I'm not myself," Cas replied slowly, then looked at Dean, who was pulling quickly out of the high school's parking lot. "And you, you're someone else."

"Wait, that sounds familiar," Sam said, pulling out his phone. "Say that again."

"Today I'm not myself, and you, you're someone else?" he said questioningly, blue eyes darkening with confusion.

Sam typed it into the search bar on his phone and waited for the results to load. "I knew it! That's a OneRepublic lyric."

Dean snorted with derision as he came up on a red light. Cas tilted his head to the side.

"They're a band," Sam explained. "Pretty good, actually."

Dean gave him a look that said, _And why do I care?_

"But why are you quoting OneRepublic?" Sam asked Cas with a frown.

Cas shrugged. "Don't really know how I got here."

Sam typed that line into the search as well. "That's another one. Can you say anything other than a lyric?"

Cas shook his head. "Heart's still beating but it's not working."

"Another lyric," Sam said after searching that line too. He sounded stumped.

He pulled out a pad of paper and tried having Cas write something down, but as soon as Cas tried, his hand spasmed all over the place, creating nonsensical scribbles all over the paper. Then they tried typing on Cas' phone, but Cas' fingers always missed the button he wanted to hit.

"This is weird. Dean, what happened?"

"You don't know what you don't know," Dean replied, shaking his head.

Sam frowned and searched something that Dean had said earlier, then started laughing. Dean swatted at him grumpily.

"Oh wow, you're quoting Taylor Swift," he said, chuckling.

An epiphany swept over Dean and he hit the breaks and pulled over sharply, Sam cursing as his head hit the roof of the car.

"Dean, what the - "

But Dean was twisted around pointing at the OneRepublic CDs in Cas' lap.

"Someone gave Cas some CDs?" Sam asked.

Dean nodded and gestured for Sam to keep going, saying, _Make the connection, Sammy, y__ou're the genius here._

Cas held the CDs up helpfully but yanked them back when Sam tried to touch them.

"So someone gave Cas OneRepublic CDs," Sam said slowly, "and now he's speaking in OneRepublic lyrics?"

Dean nodded.

"Did someone give you Taylor Swift CDs?" he tried.

Dean gave him a thumbs-up.

"But who?" Sam asked.

"She's not a saint and she's not what you think," Dean repeated from earlier.

"The girl in the jacket?!" Sam exclaimed.

Cas stomped his feet in approval.

Sam turned to Dean. "But what did you do with your CDs?"

Dean held his left arm up like he was holding something round and then made a throwing gesture with his right arm.

"You threw them away?" Sam asked.

He nodded.

"Hmm, I guess they'll be fine there," Sam mused. "But maybe they're like hex bags. We should try burning yours, Cas."

"It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust," Cas said, nodding.

"Yeah, we should get back to the motel," Sam said to Dean.

Dean put the Impala into gear and pulled back onto the road.

SPNSPNSPN

"Well that was a bust," Sam said disappointedly after Cas still could only speak in OneRepublic lyrics. He stared at the pile of charred, melted plastic. "And a waste of free music."

"We'll find other pieces to the puzzles," Cas said with forced confidence.

Dean kicked dirt over the burned CDs and shoved his hands in his pockets. "All we know is touch and go," he grumbled. "I just wanna feel okay again."

Sam sighed. "I know. We'll figure it out."

They walked back to Sam and Dean's motel room in despairing moods. Cas peeled off his suit jacket and draped it over the back of one of the chair in the room. Then he loosened his tie and undid a couple buttons of his shirt before perching on the edge of a bed and slumping over, his hair falling into his face.

Dean swallowed at the sight and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Wait a second," Sam said, opening up his laptop. "There was something Karalis said about James."

Dean and Cas looked up at him expectantly.

"A couple days before he died, she'd asked him how he was and he said..." Sam trailed off as he drummed his fingers on the desk, trying to remember. "Oh! 'I'm searching for salvation as the winter closes in.' She thought it was code for something, but maybe - "

Sam typed it in to Google and Cas and Dean got up and stood behind him, waiting for the search to load.

"It's a lyric too!" he exclaimed. "Ron Pope. Maybe James was cursed to speak in Ron Pope lyrics!"

Dean grabbed at the case files and pushed Renee and Carrie's over to Sam, along with the phone. He pointed at the parents' phone numbers.

"I should call Renee and Carrie's parents and see if we're right?" Sam confirmed.

Dean nodded and Sam started dialing.

SPNSPNSPN

"They're all lyrics," Sam said, setting his phone down and rubbing his temples. "Everything that they remember Renee, Carrie, or James saying were all lyrics. And that means that girl must've given them CDs and cursed them."

Dean and Cas looked at each other.

"And if you guys are cursed like they were," Sam continued, a frown forming on his face, "then - "

"The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now," Dean finished in a flat tone, his eyes emotionless as he raised a bottle of whiskey to his lips.

**ONE DAY AGO**

The next day Sam, Dean, and Cas found themselves standing around a fourth memorial in the high school.

They'd gotten up early that morning and were sitting around the hotel room table eating microwaved Honeybuns and drinking bitter coffee in silence when Sam's phone had gone off. It was a phone call from Miss Karalis, hysterically informing him that Jenny had been found dead a few hours ago.

"When you guys talked to Jenny," Sam started, turning away from the memorial, "you said she was nodding a lot and acting weird, right? Do you think she might've been cursed too?"

Dean and Cas nodded solemnly.

Sam rubbed his face. "We need to find this witch. Come on."

"Hi there," Sam said as they walked into the high school's main office holding their badges up. "I'm Agent Bruce, these are my partners Clapton and Baker."

"Is there something I can help you with?" the secretary asked.

"Yes, could we take a look at the student database? We need to identify someone," Sam said.

"Sure," he said, clicking around on the computer before turning it around so they could see. "Here you are," he said. "I'll be over there if you need me."

Sam smiled. "Thank you."

He smiled back and went into the copy room.

"Tell me when you see her," Sam said, and began scrolling through all the pictures of the students.

Dean watched as all the kids' young faces went by, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach as he thought that any one of these kids could be cursed right now or could be next on that girl's list. It made him sick.

"Missing person in the window!" Cas exclaimed, pointing at a picture of a girl with a small smile and wavy brown hair.

"That's her?" Sam asked. "Bridget Davis?"

Dean nodded. "She's not a saint and she's - "

"Not what I think, yeah, you said. Twenty times," Sam muttered, then turned toward the copy room. "Excuse me?"

The secretary came out. "Did you find who you were looking for?" he asked, coming back around the desk and sitting in his chair.

"Yeah, Bridget Davis," Sam replied. "Could you tell us what class she's in?"

He glanced at the clock. "Let's see, first period...Geometry with Poulsen. Room 139."

"Thank you," Sam said, then the three of them quickly left the office.

They found Room 139 easily as it was just down the hall. Sam opened the door and flashed his badge at the teacher.

"Could I speak to Bridget Davis, please?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, she's not here today," the teacher replied. "Is there something else I could help you with?"

Sam shook his head. "No, thank you," he said, quickly, then left and closed the door behind him.

Once in the hall, Sam left out a yell of frustration and punched a locker.

"You with your voice like nails," Dean hissed, glancing around as a couple teachers poked their heads out of their doors. He waved them off and they glared at him, closing their doors behind them.

"Sorry, sorry," Sam said, running a hand through his hair. "It's just...we have to find this girl. From what I can tell, each of the vics started acting weird about 48 hours before their deaths, and since you guys got cursed around two yesterday, we only have a little over a _day_ to find her and break the curse before your _brains_ swell up!" he hissed.

"No time, there's not enough," Cas murmured.

Sam looked desperately at them. "I can't lost you two."

Dean approached him and gripped his shoulders tight. "Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you."

"Take us down and we keep trying," Cas told him confidently.

Sam nodded slowly and took a breath. "You're right, sorry. Okay, uh, let's go to the office and get her home address. Maybe she's there."

SPNSPNSPN

Dean and Cas sat awkwardly in the brothers' motel room, sitting on opposite beds and looking anywhere but at each other. Sam had just dropped them off, saying that he should be the one to talk to Bridget's parents since he's the only one who could actually talk and ask questions. Then he'd taken away Cas' key card to his room, saying that they needed to work out their issues, and left.

Dean looked over at Cas, who was staring at the motel room's gaudy wallpaper so intently it was like he was studying it for an exam. Dean sighed and shook his head, feeling angry at himself and angry at Cas. Things had been different between them since Cas had become human. Actually, they'd been different since the crypt, and upon reflection Dean could see that things had always been different with them. Now it was just more apparent and Dean was having trouble dealing with it, dealing with things he'd never felt before, with things he'd kept pushed away for so long.

So, as per the Dean Winchester Code of Conduct, when things are difficult to deal with, it was best to just pretend it wasn't there. Except that never seemed to work out for him. He wondered if maybe he should change that part of the Code.

None of this was turning out how it was supposed to. He and Cas were drifting away from each other and now Cas was threatening to leave. He always used to leave, when he had his wings. He'd pop in and out all the time, so undependable, and yet somehow so _de_pendable at the same time. But in a way, this was worse than all those times before.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Here's to silence that cuts me to the core."

Cas glanced over at him and sighed, shaking his head.

Dean pursed his lips for a moment and then tried again. "It seems to me this thing is breaking down. We almost never speak."

"No, we don't talk, we don't talk, we don't talk anymore," Cas replied tersely.

"You've got a smile that can light up this whole town. I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down," Dean said, asking _How are you?_ in Swiftian.

Cas rolled his eyes. "So I might be past my prime, but I'm feeling oh so good," he replied with a sort of finality that meant he wanted the conversation to be over.

"You say you're fine, I know you better than that," Dean pressed earnestly.

Cas shook his head and glared at Dean, and Dean looked away, full of the knowledge that he was the one making Cas feel this way.

"I keep trying to find my way back, my way back," Cas said finally, staring down at the bedcovers.

"Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhyme?" Dean asked, pushing his eyebrows together.

Cas nodded. _My way back into your good graces._

"How'd we end up this way?" he asked, scratching the back of his head.

Cas shrugged. "What a peculiar state we're in."

Dean sighed. "I guess we fell apart in the usual way. A simple complication, miscommunications lead to fallout."

"We say goodbye, I turn my back," Cas muttered with contempt. "Run away, run away, so predictable."

Dean looked up at Cas and was stunned. Cas' blue eyes were accusatory and angry, and his face was twisted with hurt. He was right, this was a cycle of theirs: fight, separate, and find each other back together. Like they were stuck on some kind of twisted roller coaster.

But Cas was blaming Dean for all of this, when it was Cas' fault for not listening to him and staying in the bunker in the first place. Dean was doing this to _help_ Cas, and because of that he's the bad guy?

"I'm sick and tired of your attitude," Dean said, his temper rising. "I'm feeling like I don't know you."

Cas opened his mouth but nothing came out, so he closed it again and huffed, giving Dean a glare that said, _If I had my powers, I would _so_ smite you right now._

"And I need you like a heartbeat, but you know you got a mean streak," Dean snapped, not noticing how Cas twitched at the words "I need you."

"You tell me that you need me," Cas said quietly, restrained anger making his voice shake, "then you go and cut me down."

Dean got up from the bed, pacing back and forth a few times before stopping in front of Cas, eyes narrowed and finger pointed in the former angel's face.

"Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling, so I got some things to say to you," he said loudly.

Cas stood up as well, their faces inches apart. "Tell me something, something that can move me. Tell me lies and I _swear_ you're gonna lose me," he snarled viciously.

"I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "hello" to you and risk another goodbye!" Dean shouted as memories of Cas blipping out on him all the time came rushing back. "All the times I let you in, just for you to go - _again!_"

Cas' eyes flashed with regret. This may not be the same thing as flying away, disappearing without warning, but he was still leaving. Like always.

"Lord knows I've failed you time and again," he said, voice low. "I'd take another chance - "

"I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down," Dean growled. "You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave."

Cas shoved Dean away from him and took a few steps away, his back to the hunter. "So tell me what you want to hear!" he yelled, whirling around. "Something that'll light those ears! Tell me something I wouldn't do, if that's what you wanted."

Dean shook his head, rubbing his jaw in frustration.

"Yeah, I would kill for you, that's right," Cas said quietly, his eyes dead serious. _Anything to make you see._

He looked at him. "Baby, what happened, please tell me," he said, voice tinged with desperation. He couldn't lose Cas, he _couldn't._ "Cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door."

Cas half-growled with aggravation, balling his hands into fists.

"And I know everything about you," Dean told him, eyes pleading. "I don't wanna live without you."

Cas let out a breath, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul, cause you won't let go of anything you hold."

Dean's eyes burned but he refused to let tears form. He wouldn't cry over this, no matter what the outcome was. This was already too close for comfort, too much admitting and putting himself out there.

"Oh, I don't wanna let you go, but I can't keep holding on," Cas said quietly, staring adamantly at the carpeting. "There's so many wars we fought, there's so many things we're not..." He sighed with sadness. "So far this hurt is all I have." Then he gritted his teeth and looked up at Dean. "I've got my heart set on anywhere but here."

Dean closed his eyes and turned away, putting his hands on his head. He wouldn't beg, he wouldn't beg, he -

"It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone," he was saying before he could stop himself. "And I...I - " He was overcome with a wave of emotions ranging from fury to misery to shame to desperation. "I can't _breathe_ without you."

Cas shook his head. "I'm on the road to who knows where," he whispered.

Something inside Dean broke. He hated this. There were few things in his life that he'd hated more than this. He couldn't even say what he wanted to, couldn't say something to get Cas to stay.

"You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time," Dean said testily, then frowned at Cas. "Never ever thought I'd see it break."

He went for the door, feeling a sudden need for fresh air, but just then Sam burst through the door, a towering mass of frustration.

"She's not at either of her parents' houses!" Sam exclaimed, slamming the door behind him. "Her mom says she's at her dad's and her dad says she's at her mom's and _nobody knows where she is!_"

He stopped and stared at them, taking into account their body language and angry expressions. "_Dammit_, did you guys fight again?" he asked with disappointment.

"We are never, ever, _ever_ getting back together," Dean replied, scowling at Cas, who scowled right back. "Like, ever."

Sam let out a shout of vexation. "I have had it up to _here_ with your guys' problems!" Sam yelled, holding his hand way above his head. "You guys are _dying_ in _less than 24 hours_ and all you care about is your stupid _fight!_"

Dean and Cas looked guiltily at each other and then seemed to remember they were feuding, so they turned away again. Sam swore under his breath and kicked the bedframe that was closest to him.

"I don't - I can't - " Sam started, so angry he couldn't form sentences. "Why do - "

He was cut off by his phone ringing

"What?" he answered grumpily.

"_I...I'm sorry, um, the school gave me your number_," said a timid voice on the other end of the line. "_You're the FBI agents looking for Bridget, right?_"

Sam sat down in the chair. "Yes, yes, sorry. Who are you? Do you know where she is?"

"_I'm Chloe, I'm her best friend_," the girl said. "_I haven't seen her all day. She usually tells me when she's going to skip school, but..._"

"So you don't know where she is?" Sam asked tiredly, rubbing his forehead.

"_Well, I think I know where she might be_," she replied. "_It's this place we always used to go to. __I don't know the names of the streets, but I can show you the way if you pick me up._"

"We can do that," Sam said, relief bleeding into his voice. "Yes. Okay, we'll be there soon. Thank you so much."

Sam hung up the phone and stood up, glaring at Cas and Dean. "Let's go."

SPNSPNSPN

"Thank you for doing this," Chloe said as she got into the passenger seat of the Impala. "She's been acting really weird lately and I just don't know what to do."

"Weird?" Sam asked as he pulled away from the curb. "How so? Has she been saying weird things? Like lyrics, maybe?"

Chloe gave him a weird look. "No, nothing like that. But she had me buy these, um, occult type books for her. Her parents are super religious so she asked me to do it for her. They had weird symbols all over and said stuff about cursing your enemies."

"And when did you buy them for her?"

"A little over a week ago," she said.

"It's just wrong enough to make it feel right!" Dean exclaimed, remembering how James died about a week ago.

Chloe frowned and twisted around to look at Dean and Cas sitting in the back seat. Dean was giving her an uneasy smile and Cas was glowering at him and oozing contempt.

"Are they alright?" she whispered to Sam.

"They're fine," Sam replied tersely, glaring at Dean and Cas in the rearview mirror. "Do you know how Renee and Jenny might be connected to James and Carrie?"

"Renee used to be friends with James and Carrie," Chloe said. "Last year, in eighth grade. Bridget was friends with them, too. They were really tight. Bridget told me she and James even dated over the summer."

"So what happened?" he asked.

Chloe frowned. "High school."

Sam chuckled drily. "I know how that is."

"Renee met Jenny and they became really good friends, and she kind of drifted away. Then James broke up with Bridget and started dating Carrie, and they didn't hang out with Bridget anymore," Chloe said sadly. "She was all by herself. We were lab partners in biology, so we started hanging out after school and became friends.

"But then, a couple weeks ago, Bridget tried being friends with them again. She talked to them and she brought up that she and James dated, and James totally denied it. He said she was making it all up and then that spread through the freshman class and everyone started making fun of her." She made a noise of realization. "That's around the time she had me buy those books for her."

Sam nodded as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. "Do I turn right here?"

SPNSPNSPN

"You just stay here, okay?" Sam told Chloe as he got out of the car. "We'll be right back."

"Okay," Chloe said, nodding.

He closed the car door as Cas and Dean got out too and turned around to look at the creepy cabin before them. Apparently Chloe and found this abandoned cabin a few months ago when they'd gotten off at the wrong bus stop. It was a couple hours out of town and in the middle of a forest, so the girls had figured it was a great place for a pair of fifteen year old girls to hang out. _Naturally_.

Sam shook his head. "Let's go," he said.

"It's getting dark and it's all too quiet and I can't trust anything now," Dean grumbled, hand on his gun. He looked nervous.

"Shut up," Sam hissed. "Let's just get her to cure you guys, take away her spell books, and leave."

They approached the door and Cas and Dean stood on either side of it while Sam took a breath and kicked it open. There was a scream of fright and they turned to see Bridget sitting on the floor, surrounded by occult books, candles, bones, and CDs.

"Bridget Davis?" Sam asked, gun pointed at her in case she tried to pull anything.

She nodded, a terrified expression on her face, and then her gaze caught Dean and Cas. She made a disgusted face.

"Oh, not you two!" she groaned.

"Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did," Dean growled at her.

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "Oh, I gave you Taylor Swift, didn't I?"

Dean nodded and took a threatening step forward. "Do you still feel like you know what you're doing? I don't think you do, I don't think you do."

Sam swung out a hand and it hit Dean's chest, stopping him in his tracks. "Dean, back off," he said, then turned to Bridget. "Why have you been cursing people?" he asked. "Why did you curse them?"

"Your friends were getting too close and I panicked," she replied. "As for those asshats who died, they got what they deserved."

"And what did they do to deserve _death?_" Sam asked angrily.

"You don't understand!" she scoffed. "They were my _best friends_ and they turned their backs on me! They got all popular and...and I couldn't keep up, so they cut me out."

"Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool," Dean muttered.

She looked at him and nodded. "Yeah, that's the problem," she said, then turned to Sam and glared at him. "They betrayed me and lied about me, and I was so mad, and I wanted them to hurt as badly as me."

"So you had them _killed?!_" he exclaimed. "People suck, yeah, but that doesn't give you permission to _curse them!_"

"I didn't mean for it to get this far," she admitted, "but they didn't _have_ to die," she finished snottily. "The curse _is_ breakable."

Sam looked at Cas and Dean, whose heads perked up, and he looked back at her. "How? How do you break it?"

She smiled devilishly. "They just had to be honest and tell the truth."

Sam deadpanned, then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "So they have to tell the truth, but they can't speak in anything but song lyrics, which makes it, you know, _kind of hard to say what you mean_."

"It's not a perfect method," she said with a shrug. "But it's possible. Music frees the soul, you know."

He glared at her. "Did you ever think maybe they didn't want to be friends with you anymore because you're _crazy_, not because you're unpopular?"

Bridget's face twisted with anger. She opened her mouth to shout at him, but he cut her off.

"Okay, okay, do you get your power from a demon or are you a natural witch?" he asked.

"Demon?" she asked, eyes widening. "No, I - "

"Bridget?" Chloe asked as she came inside. "Are you - " She screamed at the sight of Sam pointing a gun at Bridget.

"Chloe, what are you doing here?!" Bridget exclaimed. "Are you _helping_ them? What - "

But then Chloe started laughing. She was _doubled over_ laughing. Cas was wearing a deeper expression of confusion than usual and Dean raised his eyebrows. Sam stared at her with a look of apprehension.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking up at them with a smile. Her eyes turned black. "But this is too much."

Sam, Dean, and Cas all whipped their guns toward her, but she ripped them out of their hands with a wave and then pinned them to the wall.

"Chloe?" Bridget asked in horror, her face drained of color.

"Chloe's not available at the moment," the demon said with a smirk. "Leave a message at the tone."

Bridget gritted her teeth. "What did you do with my friend?!"

"Oh, she's in here," the demon replied, giggling slightly. "Crying and crying about how you don't appreciate her, about how she's always there for you and all you care about is those stupid ex-friends of yours. It's quite amusing."

"Get out of - " Bridget started to shout, but the demon waved her hand and Bridget clutched at her throat, apparently unable to speak.

"And as if this wasn't enough fun as it was," the demon purred, going over to Cas and running a finger down the length of his jaw, "I get treated with the Winchesters and their fallen pet!"

Cas spat in her face. "I'll find the places where you hide," he snarled.

The demon wiped off her face and gave him a sour smile. "I'm sure you will," she simpered, then swung out and clawed his face.

Cas grunted in pain as the brothers let out shouts of protest.

"There is nothing I do better than revenge!" Dean snarled at her.

She smiled at him and pressed her hands to his chest. "Oh, I'm betting on it." She walked over to Sam and bit her lip seductively as she looked him up and down. "I plan on having a _lot_ of fun w - "

_Thump!_

The demon fell over and they saw Bridget standing behind where the demon had been, one of their guns in her hands, which she'd hit the demon in the head with. She looked up at them in fright as they fell down off the wall.

"Did I kill her?" she asked worriedly before promptly fainting.

**PRESENT**

And that was how Dean had gotten into this situation.

Bridget had only knocked the demon out, so Sam performed a quick exorcism and got Chloe back. Bridget woke up again after a couple seconds and the girls hugged and cried the whole drive back and Bridget promised not to touch witchcraft ever again. Sam dropped Cas and Dean off at the hotel with instructions to, "Talk about your damn feelings!" while he took the girls home.

So here he was, pacing back and forth in the hotel room with just an hour till their heads swelled up and he had to be honest with Cas while using_ Taylor Swift lyrics_.

Cas looked up at him expectantly from where he stood by the door.

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me cause I'm still trying to figure it out," Dean snapped.

Cas shook his head sadly. "Honesty is what you need," he replied softly. "It sets you free, like someone to save you."

Dean turned to him and his eyes landed on the dried blood on Cas' cheek from the scratches the demon had given him. He reached out and cupped the side of Cas' face, gently thumbing the scratches before remembering himself and stepping away.

"I bet you think I either moved on or hate you," Dean said quietly.

Cas shook his head and Dean sighed.

"Sit down and spill your heart," Cas said. "Let's start from the very start, cause I can see by your eyes you're wasted."

Dean shook his arms out agitatedly. "Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me."

Cas nodded. _I know_, his eyes said.

Dean collapsed down onto his bed and Cas came over and sat across from him on Sam's bed. He could feel a headache coming on, probably the beginnings of the brain swelling, so he pushed his fingers to his temples and took a deep breath, then looked up at Cas.

"This is me swallowing my pride, saying I'm sorry for that night," Dean said quickly, visibly uncomfortable with all of this. "We blocked the noise with the sound of "I need you," and for the first time I had something to lose."

_Someone other than Sam_, Cas verified with an inclination of his head.

Dean nodded and looked away.

"And I don't wanna need you this way," he confessed softly. "You're my Achilles heel. I'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're...if you're still on the ground."

Cas looked away at the allusion to his new humanity. Dean frowned at himself.

"You drive me crazy half the time," he added, which Cas chuckled at. "And I don't know why, but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress."

He was blushing pretty badly now, thanks to Taylor Swift's stupid fucking lyrics, but at least he had Cas' full attention again.

"Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me," Dean said, remembering what Cas had said about leaving.

Cas nodded slowly as he thought, a brief look of pain crossing his face. Dean reached out and put a sympathetic hand on Cas' knee. Cas covered the hand with his own, and they looked at each other and blushed faintly.

"I had a dream the other night, about how we only get one life," Cas said eventually. "I've been everywhere and back trying to replace everything that I had. I...I was looking for an angel to chase the devil at night."

Dean sat up. What did that even _mean?_ Was Cas trying to get his grace back? Did he want to be an angel again?

"Stay, stay, stay," Dean blurted before he could stop himself.

Cas shook his head with a smile. "There's no place to go when you're not there," he explained. "The fight for you is...is all I've ever known. I know that we're not the same, but I'm so damn glad that we made it to this time, this time." He looked at Dean with a heart-breaking fondness. "If we only live once, I wanna live with you," he said insistently.

Dean pursed his lips to hide a smile, but he was unsuccessful.

"This has gotta be a good life, this could really be a good life," Cas continued pleadingly, and Dean got his meaning: the hunter's life. "Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out, sometimes there's bullshit that don't work out. We all got our stories, but please tell me what there is to complain about."

Dean nodded slowly. "So you were never a saint and I've loved in shades of wrong. We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts?" he asked, seeing if he was understanding what Cas was saying, that they could handle the angels and demons and monsters that life threw their way, but it didn't matter as long as they had each other.

Cas smiled and nodded happily. Then he frowned and stared down at his lap and fidgeted with his hands, looking nervous again.

"I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new," he said softly, and Dean suddenly understood exactly where this was going now.

The pain in his head was getting worse, and judging by Cas' expression it was the same for him. The curse still wasn't broken, so they must have to be even more honest, and admitting _this_ would be about as honest as it could get.

Cas looked miserable, like he hated this as much as Dean did. Like he hated that they were being forced into confessing these things, that it wasn't happening on their terms, that they couldn't even use their own words to say how they felt.

"They...they say love ain't fair, but I'm doing fine," he whispered, not even meeting Dean's eyes.

Dean forgot how to breathe for a moment. All thoughts rushed out of his head and his mind went blank. He swallowed and stammered out, "The lingering question kept me up, 2 AM, who do you love?" he asked.

Cas swallowed thickly before answering. "I swear it's you that my heart beats for."

Dean felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders and it made him feel dizzy and lightheaded. He even laughed a little as tears rushed to his eyes, but he was too happy to be embarrassed about that. Cas wouldn't look at him, so he stood up and dragged Cas to his feet as well.

"I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time," Dean told him, Taylor Swift lyrics be damned.

Cas' eyes widened and he looked up. Big grins stretched across each of their faces even as the pain in their heads intensified.

"All this time we were waiting for each other," Cas said, shaking his head in amazement.

"Oh, we made quite a mess, babe," Dean laughed.

Cas rolled his eyes. "My god, amazing how - "

He stopped as a wave of pain rolled through him. He gripped his head and Dean was doubled over in pain as well. Dean glanced at the clock. They had about five minutes left from his estimation, but they'd confessed everything they'd been hiding from each other. What more was there to do?

"I don't wanna lose you now," Cas said, his voice close to that of a whimper as he curled his fingers into the sleeves of Dean's shirt.

Dean put his hands on either side of Cas' face. "Just keep on keeping your eyes on me," he said, desperation creeping into his voice.

He didn't want it to end this way. This was far too cruel. Sam would lose both him and Cas, and he and Cas wouldn't be able to explore what they'd just admitted to each other.

Dean shook his head angrily. "I didn't say half the things I wanted."

Cas leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, eyes locked on each other as the pain roared in their heads.

"If I only die once," Cas whispered, "I wanna die with you."

Dean bit his lip in hesitation, then decided that he only had about a minute left to live so _fuck_ hesitations, and he pressed his mouth to Cas'.

Cas stiffened in surprise for half a second, then moved his hands from Dean's arms and wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him in closer. Dean kissed him fiercely and Cas tried matching his pace, but it was his first kiss as a human so it was clumsy and slobbery and there were tears streaming down their cheeks from the pain, but they didn't care. The kiss was just as messy and sloppy and broken as they were, so it fit them perfectly.

The pain reached its escalation just as they broke away to stare at each other one last time, and then something in their heads just _snapped_ and they stumbled away from each other.

Dean gasped in a breath of shock, then realized he was still breathing, and therefore must still be alive. He looked at Cas, who was alive and breathing as well.

"C...Cas?" he said, trying out his voice.

A huge smile stretched across Cas' face. "Hello, Dean," he replied.

Dean closed the distance between them in two strides and took Cas' face into his hands, kissing him again and again and again until Sammy started pounding on the door like the 6'4 cockblock he was.

"Are you guys alive?" he asked, worry in his voice. "Are you okay? Please don't - "

"Yeah, Sammy, we're good," Dean replied, pulling away from Cas with a roll of his eyes. "But you might wanna stay in Cas' room tonight."

"Oh...Oh god - _ew_," Sam groaned on the other side of the door. "Aw, come _on_, it's the middle of the day!"

"Go away, Sam," Dean and Cas chorused, then grinned at each other.

"Ugh, you know what? I'm just gonna take Cas' car and head back to the bunker, and I'm never gonna speak to you two again!" Sam yelled as he walked away from the door, but there was a smile on his face as he pulled out his cell to call Charlie.

Dean leaned his head in to press their foreheads together again, content just to look at Cas for a bit.

"Hey, uh...Cas?" he said, amazed at how unbelievably good it felt to be able to say his own words.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas asked with a small smile.

"I'm sorry," he said, biting his lip a bit. "I've been a douche. I was just...I was scared and I don't do stuff like this well, and I didn't - "

"I understand, Dean. You don't need to explain," Cas interrupted, leaning forward a bit to brush their noses together. It sent a thrill down Dean's spine, and he was too happy to be embarrassed.

He smiled. "What do you say I take over your hunter training?"

"Starting tomorrow, of course?" Cas asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he put his hands on Dean's hips, fingers dancing over the hem of Dean's shirt.

Dean groaned and pressed his lips to Cas', digging his fingers into Cas' back as Cas moaned sinfully into Dean's mouth.

"Actually, we might not get much work done if it's us," Cas said with a laugh when he pulled away.

"We'll figure it out," Dean said, then growled playfully as he pushed Cas down onto Dean's bed, crawling over him. He stopped, looming over Cas, who was staring up at Dean with a look of pure adoration. Cas' hair was messy, his pupils wide, and his lips were swollen, and Dean wondered how he could've been so scared to go to this level with Cas, how he was so scared of something so right.

He leaned down and cupped the side of Cas' face as they kissed again, slower this time, finding a rhythm that suited them both. Dean marveled at the fact that this felt so natural, so normal - like he'd been kissing Cas for years instead of just a few minutes. He ran his fingers through Cas' hair and pulled away again, smiling nervously down at him.

"I, er...I love you, you know," Dean mumbled, feeling a need to say it with his own words, without the threat of death hanging over his head. "I love you," he said again, more confidently, loving how good it felt to say it.

Cas beamed and reached up, running his fingers over the sides of Dean's face, as if trying to memorize it by touch. "And I love you," he said seriously, like he was stating a scientific fact, staring intently into Dean's eyes.

And damn if that didn't send Dean's heart soaring into the sky, chick flick moment or not.

So they kissed each other again and again, pulling apart only to strip their clothes and to say "I love you." And when they checked out the next morning and Dean found himself driving with Cas in the passenger seat, their fingers intertwined as they sped toward Kansas, Dean decided that maybe being honest wasn't just a bad thing after all.

* * *

This fic was so incredibly hard to write

I was inspired to write it after I read _Party Like It's 1999_ by Annie D on AO3 (which you should totally read because it's brilliant and hilarious and way better than this; Cas gets cursed to speak in Britney Spears lyrics). Even after I got the idea, I was so scared to write it because I knew it was going to be hard and I put if off for a long time

But I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I did it, and it was just as hard as I imagined. Seriously. You try writing a conversation completely in song lyrics and making it make sense haha

Anyway, I like what I came up with. I've never written a case fic before and I've tried to stay away from writing them because I think I'm bad at coming up with cases, but I hope I did alright!

If any bits were totally confusing to you (like you never eventually grasped the meaning of what they were saying), then please let me know and I'll try to make it make more sense =)

**Please review and tell me what you thought!**

~Ki

**PS**. I actually really really really love Taylor Swift

**PPS**. OneRepublic gives me life (_and I'm going to see them and The Script in concert in June!_ =D)

**PPPS**. Jenny was cursed to speak in Carolina Liar lyrics (and btw Carolina Liar is a perfect band and you should totally go listen to them)

_Disclaimer_: I do not own any of the lyrics used in this fic. The lyrics belong to OneRepublic, Taylor Swift, Carolina Liar, and Ron Pope.


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